Report: Autumn All-Age Weekend
Just a Minute - or Three
From the enclosed, built-up cities or the spreading flatlands with their immense skies, why would you travel over two hundred miles to gaze on moorland hilltops enveloped in cloud and to listen to falling rain and leaves scuttling from a chasing wind? Well, why wouldn’t you?
In Allensford, I learnt a different way to listen; a different way to engage in dialogue (with or without a pre-determined purpose) and a different way to bring about change. We started realising how diverse we all are but finished seeing how similar we are, and this is how it came about.
The first sessions were led by Caroline Pakel, a facilitator working for people and organisations going through transition or conflict and now enabling discussion about climate change. She was convinced that real change can only come about through dialogue – an energy spreading across groups of people. Her meetings have no set purpose but seek to create a safe environment, so all opinions are heard and from which an objective might arise. For this, there needs to be a different approach to both listening and speaking.
On the first evening, after a game of diversity bingo, the real challenge of listening began: each of us had been asked to bring an object from home to explain our outlook or faith journey. In pairs, one person, then the other, had three minutes, (yes, it was always timed!) to speak without interruption, question or comment from the listener. It was the opposite of Just a Minute – and longer. The aim was to create a safe space to allow each to express their thoughts fully without any distractions. We learnt not to use questions like, “Why?” as they can be intimidating: it was better to encourage with expressions like, “Can you tell me more?” or “Yes, and…”
This became the new normal. The next morning, the idea was developed further, and you might like to try this at home. You will need a timer and some pictures or objects. We were given a selection of pictures to choose from. The first person had three minutes to explain their choice and everybody else had two minutes to share their opinion. Finally, the first person had a minute to comment again. We were learning to hear difference and value the opportunity it gives to enrich our own limited point of view.
That Friday evening, many chose to put themselves in the unfamiliar and controversial situation of attending a Latin Tridentine Mass. Afterwards, Canon Michael answered questions. He described the Latin Mass as a vertical prayer flow and English as horizontal. Most found this alien and much preferred “God beneath, beside and beyond,” as our chaplain, Chris Hughes, expressed it.
Chris did, in fact, lead a session and talked in very practical terms. He differed from Caroline as he had objectives to achieve. He belonged to Citizens UK, which is made up of hundreds of member organisations that work together for social justice and common good. As a leader, he used listening to find common ground between people to bring about changes and improvements in society. He asked us to draw a stick person and in pairs use it to explain what was important to us in our lives: we soon realised how much we had in common. Listening brings people together and it was inspiring to hear how diverse people from all backgrounds could work together, overcome bureaucracy and apathy to make things happen – even relatively small but important things like a safe play area in a park in a disadvantaged district of North Tyneside.
The long weekend was for all ages. Every day we watched the children skip off with the young helpers. The tinies were angels (YES!) and the teenagers were saints (another YES!). They both had suitable, interesting programmes of activities: the teenagers brought music to talk about and, of course, everybody decorated a pumpkin. We all came together for meals, prayers and the bonfire singing. After so much isolation, there was a warm, contented togetherness, despite windows and doors being kept open.
Since Allensford, there has been much to think about. I had always thought asking questions or commenting showed I was taking an interest in what I was listening to. However, I am now going to discipline myself and not interrupt and see if my conversations improve. In the grounds of Allensford, there is a chapel facing south. If you go early in the morning, the windows seem all misted up, but as the sun rises, mosaic pictures slowly appear. The brighter the sun, the more vibrant the colours and the clearer the images are. It gives life to St. Paul’s “For now we see through a glass darkly.” My listening journey has also moved on.
We left Allensford with a prayer. Mine was from Boo Boo Bear, a little child’s nickname. A little child is praying for me: that’s got to be a good thing.